Hey everyone! My name is Ryan and I'm from a Web site called Fightlinker.com. We do all sorts of wacky MMA-related content like funny news, funny radio shows, funny comics, and ... well, you get the idea.
The guys at MMAmania were kind enough to accept my offer to write a special column for you all on the condition that I don't swear too much or talk about penises. It'll be difficult, but I'm up for the challenge! Penis. Shit! Aw man. This is going to be harder than I thought.
Anyways, UFC 82 was this weekend and I think we can all agree that it was a pretty awesome show. For those of you who disagree, check your TIVO ... perhaps you were watching the IFL season opener by accident?
Now most people are usually pretty clinical with their event reviews, but that's not really how we roll. So let's break this event down Fightlinker stylez:
The "Hardest Head" award
Oh, how far Chris Leben has come since his early days on The Ultimate Fighter (TUF) where he lost (and cried) repeatedly. Although his recent success has very little to do with his ability to avoid getting punched in the face over and over. And over. And over. Alessio Sakara threw everything but the kitchen sink at Leben, but Leben kept on coming like some kind of creepy ginger Terminator. It'd be nice to say I think Chris could be a contender someday, but at the moment I'll just upgrade him from 'punching bag' to 'punching bag that punches back.' Another year will see if he develops further or his brain turns to mush from all the blunt force trauma. Either way, it should be entertaining.
The "Where the hell did this guy come from?" award
This definitely goes to Mr. McLovin himself, Dustin Hazelett. The guy looks exactly like a kid I used to beat up in high school, so I really should consider myself lucky that my victim didn't also have super secret striking abilities. The bookies basically wrote Hazelett off with "Snowball's chance in hell" odds, and even people in the know were counting on his jiu-jitsu to be his main weapon. I don't think anyone expected the one-two head kick and flying knee he unleashed at the beginning of his fight. Anderson Silva would have been proud.
The "Broken Dreams" award
I'm still going to give Evan Tanner the "Most Inspirational" award as well. But you can't deny that his storybook return to the UFC was completely ruined by Yushin Okami, who apparently didn't get the memo telling him he was supposed to lose. Jerk. Everyone and their mother warned me that Tanner might be coming in with some serious ring rust, but I ignored them. Smashing people's faces in is like riding a bike! You never really forget how to do it. Of course, Evan's performance looked like he'd left his bike buried in a snowbank for seven months. Anyways, this is nothing a few fights against poor TUF riff-raff won't fix. Even Rocky lost in the first Rocky movie, right?
The "Largest breasts" award
Goes to Diego Sanchez, who's extra bulk has resulted in some serious pectoral growth. Even Octagon girl Edith Labelle was said to be jealous of Diego's supple smooth mammories. Me, I just couldn't get past the jheri curl.
And that's it for me this week, people. Make sure to send all mail bombs to the MMAmania guys -- we've already got enough of that where I'm from. And if you're down with the idea that maybe it's okay to laugh at the world of MMA from time to time, come check out my site, Fightlinker.com.
It's really quite not very terrible at all! And that's a guarantee. Penis.